She was extraordinary. Beautiful and on the path. And she was exactly the kind of woman where all my oldest patterns could hide in plain sight. I could be her helper. Her coach. Her therapist. Her tantric lover. Her guide through deep medicine journeys.
I had it all. For a while, we were in heaven.
But slowly — almost invisibly — the familiar current began to pull. Her fears met my compulsion to hold her through them. Her rejections met my willingness to keep giving. My heart began to close. Our intimacy faded. I went back to the jungle alone, to work on myself. But I could feel it — I was working on her too. Trying to fix what was not mine to fix.
I didn't want to lose another relationship. But when I went through a hard day and needed her — she closed the door and left.
We had built something real together. A home. A dream. Held retreats together. We had begun to build a retreat center where we were going to do this work side by side — for others, for ourselves, for the family we had spoken about creating.
When it ended, we sold it all. Almost without fighting.
Thirty years of this journey. More than a hundred and fifty plant medicine ceremonies. A decade of teaching this work to other men. And still — the pattern had taken me down again.
The price this time was everything I had imagined my future to be. Perhaps my last chance at becoming a father. And having a family.
That is what this pattern costs. Not just relationships. Not just intimacy. It costs men their lives.
What followed was the deepest awakening of my life. Not because the relationship ended. But because I finally saw — with complete clarity — how much of myself I was willing to abandon to be loved. How deep the anxious attachment ran. How much of it traced back to my mother. How after my father died, that bond became everything — and how that everything had quietly shaped every intimate relationship I had ever been in.
I had known about this layer. I had simply not yet been able to break through it.
Until now.
And then — I fell in love...
My father died of cancer when I was eleven years old. What followed was not just grief. It was the beginning of a wound I would spend decades learning to name. A masculine wound. A boy who learned to find safety with his mother. Who learned that his needs were too much. That strength was dangerous. That love had to be earned through being good, agreeable, successful and endlessly useful. I became a classic nice guy. Well liked. Good hearted. And quietly starving with lack of embodiment and self-love.
I wanted more intimacy. More presence. More aliveness. So I did what driven men do — I searched. Therapy. Coaching. Personal development. NLP. Breathwork. And then tantra. Tantra cracked something open.
For over five years, I attended more than fifty tantra workshops. I became a certified tantric bodyworker, an integral sexologist. I discovered non-ejaculation, multi-orgasmic experience, somatic de-armouring. I learned the wheel of consent. I co-created a tantric education. I studied shamanism in Peru. I went to the jungle and sat with ayahuasca — not once, not ten times, but more than one hundred and fifty times. I sertified myself as a trauma-informed plant medicine facilitator and I facilitated over forty ceremonies for others.
I built the Wildman Program and guided hundreds of men through it for over a decade.
I knew about fawning. I knew how to hold my sexual energy. I knew about boundaries, polarity, tantric lovemaking. I had studied the pattern I am describing to you from every angle imaginable.
I did not come to this work from the outside. I lived my way into it — through loss, through longing, through years of searching for the man I knew I was capable of becoming.
Hi, my name is Paal. I have thirty years of practice in men's work, trauma-informed facilitation, embodiment, tantra, sexuality, shamanism, and plant medicine.
And I know what becomes possible when he finally stops giving himself away
I am not here because I have all the answers. I am here because I know the terrain. I know what it costs a man to stay lost in it.
Today my work does not just thirty years of knowledge and training, but the living, ongoing reality of a man who continues to descend. Who does not teach from a place of arrival. Who walks this path alongside you.
WHAT MEN SAY
I have reconnected with a knowing I had forgotten a long time ago.
I am more authentic, more truthful, more aligned, and I have found my direction in life.
JOHANNES, DENMARK
"I have found my direction in life."
I often experience orgasmic bliss in my whole being. I can be strong and soft at the same time.
Whatever happens on the outside, I can stay with it.
I express my wishes, my desires, my boundaries — and I listen to the same in my partner.
JOACHIM, NETHERLANDS
"Whatever happens on the outside — I can stay with it."
I lost myself in work after my kids were born. I was alone, dry, without genuine support.
Then my wife got sick. And died.
The tools, the practices, and the brotherhood gave me what I needed to go through that process — and come out a better version of myself. More robust. More grounded. More present. A more curious father.
JESPER, SWEDEN
"I became a more grounded, present and curious father."
I was in a challenging divorce process. The embodiment practices, tools, and journaling helped me stay grounded through it.
My kundalini energy awakened through the practices.
I left my nice guy syndrome behind — and stepped up into leadership, with the support of the brotherhood.
SIMON, DENMARK
"I left my nice guy syndrome and stepped into leadership."
I feel free, strong and soft. I feel very open and energetic — willing to share my feelings with others without needing anything in return.
I have full-body orgasms now. And that changed how I relate sexually with my partner.
ALBERT, BELGIUM
"I have full-body orgasms — and that changed everything."
I went from being stuck, sexually unsatisfied, needy and clingy — to deeper presence, self-confidence and becoming sexually self-sustained.
My partner, my friends, and my kids love the new me. More energy. More creativity. More joy.
BENJAMIN, ICELAND
"My partner, friends and kids love the new me."
I walk around with a full battery pack. More presence, more self-confidence, more awareness. I can last much longer — almost forever — and stay close to my partner after lovemaking.
At work I am alive, efficient, and more present. I needed brotherhood to love myself fully.
VILLE, FINLAND
"I have superpowers now."
I became increasingly passive in my relationship — especially after the children came. We reached a crisis point. We were even talking about splitting up. I was alone with it and had no one to share it with.
I understood it was about stepping up. Taking leadership in my family. Being present with my wife and my kids.
They have got a new man and a new father. One who has even started his own business.
CARL, UK
"They have got a new man and father."
Benjamin joined the 3rd round of The Wildman Program.
Yossi shares his experience of The Wildman Program
Carl found his masculinity in the Wildman
Ville sharing what called him to The Wildman Program
